Three Jesus Jokes

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Three Jesus Jokes 10-2-08


While looking for the text (why write out what you can copy and paste) the text for one of my favorite Jesus jokes, I found two others worthy of inclusion. Thank you to Mouse for sending me "A Conversation With Jesus."


Jesus was preaching when he was interrupted by a group of men dragging a woman. "Teacher," said the spokesman, "this woman was caught in the act of adultery. What should we do with her?"

And Jesus said, "Let the one without sin cast the first stone."

Just as soon as he said it, a woman pushed her way through the crowd and lobbed a stone at the adulteress.

Jesus sighed and said, "Mom, I'm trying to make a point there."


A burglar goes to this house late at night and starts robbing it. He is just getting going when he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you."

He stops for a minute, but soon continues on. Again he hears "Jesus is watching you."

He stops again, but soon continues on. Again he hears "Jesus is watching you."

He discovers the voice belongs to a large parrot. He smiles to himself and continues on, a third time the parrot says the same thing.

Frustrated the burglar turns around and says, "Be quiet you dumb parrot! What's your name anyhow?"

The parrot replies, "Clarence."

The burglar laughs, "What kinda people name their bird Clarence?"

"The same kind who name their Rottweiler Jesus!"


Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka and cranberry along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day.

I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."

And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."